As you settled into bed that night and held my hand as you drifted off into a comfortable sleep, I grew uneasy.

Your ease, your comfort disarmed me. I was in a fitful, restless state that night. I mostly lay awake till you woke up with that early morning call. Not because you snored right into my ears. Not even because I felt unwell. Those reasons didn’t seem to matter enough.

I couldn’t sleep because your ease led to my unease.

How does one give oneself to another so easily? How does one be oneself with another? Physical nakedness seems okay. How does one come undone before another from within? How does one fall asleep in the assurance of the other’s arms; without the fear of losing that warmth?

What is it like to gracefully accept love and not be embarrassed in the expression of that soft, tiny glow?
Maybe it feels like you want to savour every moment that passes by; like you would slowly take in the last spoonful of your favourite ice cream.
Maybe it feels warm within, the kind of warmth that makes you smile wihout a reason.
Maybe it feels like a big mistake at times, that you’ll probably never regret committing
Maybe it gives one the strength to keep moving on..
Maybe it feels light..to live in the awareness that you will be loved despite all that you will choose to do and not do..

I don’t know if I there will be such a night ever again. But I want you to know, as much as I want myself to know, that I have never felt so tender, so vulnerable ever before. My defenses might get the better of me ahead at some point. I might resist coming closer again. I will probably wander a little more still. But know this for good – you brought in a sense of vulnerability I didn’t know I was capable of.
What one’s gesture of comfort can do to another’s extent of discomfort is sometimes magical..

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