You struggle and you fight

You do it everyday

You do it every night

I struggle too

I do it every day

I do it every night

You struggle to keep away,

to hide, to avoid, to stay away

I struggle to come in,

to uncover, to talk more, to get closer

We walked on the same path once,

distant maybe

but the same nontheless

Love, understanding, and friendship underlined each step.

We walk even now,

on the same path

But I can’t see you anymore

(even in the distance)

I can feel you around

I can sense that urge to want to express your love as well

But you don’t

It hurts me, pricks me deep within

Like that persistent wound – neither does it heal, nor does it recede in the background

I miss you

The warmth, the love, the security

The feeling that nothing can go wrong because you would know how to set it right

The feeling that you will have the right words to say when things fall apart

The feeling that I could wander away as far as I want, but never feel an inch away from you

I miss it all

But more than the pain I feel for myself,

I feel scared to see (or not see) you

Deep down, I know you will be that one person I’ll turn to in my darkest hours

But you might not, anymore.

And that bothers me; hurts me

I want to fight those demons that you have made your own

I want to help, I want to be there

I want you to allow yourself to be

I want you to trust again

I want you to drop your hesitation

I want you back

I want my friend back.

Sometimes in life, things go wrong

So wrong that they shake up your faith in everything

So wrong that merely having to be aware about it wrenches your gut

It probably changes you a great deal

It probably does things to you that you didn’t imagine

And then sometimes, merely being a witness to someone change like this, does the trick for you too.

I am looking for myself as well, in this mist, while I keep looking for you.