She stared at me, worried,

I stared back wondering what I did.

Her intent gaze bore into me, making me squirm

She slowly nodded to herself, her doubts now confirm.

Like always, I wanted to run away,

But her gaze held me, making me stay.

She asked me what is it that bothers me so?

All I wondered about was if I could just go.

It was just like every other time, all wanting me to talk,

They show concern initially but in the end, away they walk.

 

As I stared at her,

I could see it all, things no longer a blur.

I was suddenly transported back to those times,

When it was the beast within me committing all those crimes.

And till today I thought it was they,

Who took my happiness away and in the midst of sorrow let me sway.

It was never a them v/s me,

But it was myself pitted against me.

No one ever walked out on me,

It was I who failed to see.

 

The beast within me, is very subtle,

It works its way slowly, almost like a turtle.

It never raises its head when someone’s looking.

Because it likes to hide within and conceal his doing.

But it strikes its deathly blow,

Just when a relationship is about to grow.

It makes me live in this vicious cycle of a self-fulfilling prophecy,

It turns my life upside-down, making everything messy.

 

All along I had believed that it was the others who did not care,

But it was I who was caught up in my own snare.

All I had to do was let things be,

And I would have soon found out how relieving it could be.

But I was busy trying to find out if the person was happy with me,

I pleased each one, to whatever they said; I said, “I agree”.

I spent hours and hours wondering what each one thought,

Never even once did I think what damage these thoughts with them wrought.

 

The cycle went on, almost the same stages being played out,

The pain remaining always, happiness just a vague bout.

First, I doubted each one’s affections

Then came the whole phase of being caught up in my emotions.

Soon I would decide that they just don’t know yet,

Out of this relationship, and me, nothing are they going to get.

Once I knew this, I felt calm,

Now there was no need to be worried, no alarm.

All I had to do was wait,

Till once again, she intervened, the one we all call Fate.

I had to wait till the person realized it was not worth,

I had to just go along, till the truth was unearthed.

This truth I talk about, was very plain,

Staying with me, no one will ever gain.

All they could do was wait and realize that there was nothing about me to like,

And that is when the final blow is to be dealt, the beast within ready to strike.

To make sure that they do realize what I am,

I speed up the process, avoiding them, putting up a sham.

Then when finally nothing remains,

I sit there stunned, numbed with all the pains.

 

I realized I was still staring at her,

Now that I had seen it all, tears flowed, making her a blur.

But even then I could see the warmth and compassion.

That flowed out of her with a lot of passion.

Maybe I still had some time,

To not commit one more crime.

And let this friend be a friend,

Not anymore following the old trend.

Maybe this time I can let my defenses down,

Without worrying if it will only elicit a frown.

Maybe this time I can stop thinking and just flow,

Coz its something that without trying I’ll never know.

 

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