A very dear friend recently asked me, “What is your deal breaker in a relationship”? I told her at that time, that I wasn’t sure about it because I have never thought about it before. She asked me to give it some thought, and I honestly did, but I still don’t have an answer to that question.

A deal breaker is essentially that one violation or mistake that a person commits, beyond which the relationship would have no scope for me. In other words then I’m saying that if a person commits so-and-so mistake, I consider it unpardonable and thus I would not want to continue to associate with the person anymore.

After quite a bit of contemplation I have come to the conclusion that I don’t have a deal breaker and cannot even have one! I honestly find it difficult to look at an act in the absolute sense of the word. An act, a behaviour can and should be evaluated in the entirety of the context in which it has been carried out. So now, if I get to know that one friend has been bitching about me, it might be the blow that our friendship couldn’t survive through but with another friend, this probably could be something that I would want to talk about, sort out and continue with what was. So the gravity of the action then depends totally on the person who has committed the same!

In the same breath, I can go onto say that the way I judge an action (or violation if you may), I will never be able to isolate it and think about it! Taking into consideration the person involved is an inevitable part then.

Depending on the love, intimacy, attachment and respect I attach to one person, I would accordingly also then decide whether I can tolerate a particular mistake from him/her or not.

That is my deal breaker!