Time and again, things have gone horribly wrong, but I have noticed one change over a period of time,  regarding these. It’s one of those changes that you can’t really put your finger on and say ‘caught you’ but when you turn around, you suddenly see it there! Just like how some stars are better visible when you look around them and not straight at them.

Difficulties before used to feel very absolutistic. Almost like life will never move ahead anymore. The hurdles used to look like huge mountains that I would never be able to reach the top of, but alas! Life always ticked on, that being life’s greatest boon and curse. More often than not, upon looking back, I have realized that nothing and no one probably has essentially ever ‘stopped’ my life. Of course there have been periods of slowing down or phases when nothing seemed to work or appeal, but this was ultimately arising from my demands of not wanting to accept things as they were and instead wanting them to have turned out exactly as how I planned it in my mind. Well, if life really were so generous, we would be in utopia now!

Those horrible things I referred to earlier, well day in and day out, I keep facing situations that range from one end to the other on the horrible continua. That however, hasn’t in anyway deterred me from what I want to do. I had begun to feel that I’m becoming rather cold towards things, almost like ‘do whatever you want to and I honestly don’t give a damn’. But no, that is rather far from the truth!

What I perceived as coldness, is infact a deeper understanding of my ownself. Now if I’m not pulling my hair out when I score low, or I’m not depressed when rejected or if I don’t stop eating and sleeping just because I broke up, it’s only because I’ve found a healthier way out!

The change then, is the shift of focus from the external to the internal! Since we are a part of a strongly interwoven society, the supposed external triggers can at best be ignored but cannot be deleted for good! I , me and myself however, am and will remain in full control of myself. So now, all I have to do is to tell myself that this is not what I wanted but too bad that this is how it is, rather than saying, damn it! I WANT THAT and only THAT!!

We often make the mistake of judging the importance of something/someone by the amount of grief/sorrow that we feel upon losing that! But hey, it’s possible to grieve over a lost someone without actually losing your appetite and motivation!

I have thus realized that every emotion, be it euphoria or sorrow, goes down only to an extent, beyond which, nothing and no one can essentially dampen or uplift the spirit of me!

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